She was once an icon of eager, was once a butterfly who flew high in the garden. May it be time, may it be pain, the once icon of eager turned out to be the icon of dissapointment and failure. With the truth locked inside, she went through what we would call “life” A life where she had to suffer in a jail disguised as school for 10 hours a day. A life of a student, i would say. Not that typical protagonist from a movie type of student life, though.
Every morning she wakes up late, trying to pull her body off her lovely bed, sacraficing the love for a hell of a trip to jail. Coming late, 5 days a week. Guilty while doing that? No, not anymore. She saw no point in coming in “un-late” because either way, her classroom teacher would still label her attendance as “LATE” so what’s the point, right?
Coming to school, she was held grudges by almost all subject teachers, even homeroom teacher. Everything she did, may it be right or wrong, she would always be dissed, and unrespected. Yes, she might just be a 17 years old student, none respect should be given, but what would you do if your exsistance is not even there for them? Unexpectedly, the majority of students chose her as the student council president of the school, making teachers hates her more. Something people call dis-satisfaction, i supposed. As a student council president of the school, everyone expected her to be the role model for everyone. To be that person who earn full marks for every assignments, to be the teacher’s right hand, and to be a neat and tidy diciplined looking person. One thing that no one ever realized was that she never promised such promises and commitment when she was told to tell her speech. She commited to make the school better in an event-ful aspect, not by academic aspect. She wanted to have fun, she wanted to rebel, she just wanted freedom in that stuffy living hell, more accurately, she wanted to make a change to the school, so that the others would not feel as much discomfort as her while undergoing school life. so that the other kids would feel the fun she longed for.
Frankly saying, she’s stupid. She wasn’t the type of person who gets full mark for her chemistry exam, she was the type of person who got 0 for chemistry. She suck at maths, science, civil education, well basically every subjects. Her “STUPIDNESS” led her to the situation she’s in now, which is.. ignored by teachers, dissed by teachers, unrespected by teachers, gossiped by teachers, and always being talked about in a teachers’ meeting. Well, nothing good i supposed. As much as she tried to change, no one gave her the chance to. There was once, she studied deligently, hoping a for a change. She listened to every explaination given, even asked questions. But then, the teacher responded her with anger.
“you should’ve listened ! i explained and you didn’t listen that’s why your grades are low!”
That was what the teacher said. Again, what’s the point in making a change then? The equality between the smartass and the stupid kids needs to be fixed. It’s unfair for those stupid kids who tried to improve being treated poorly while the smartass kids are treated with royalty. Moments now, she concluded that the teachers in her school are a bunch of people who used their authorities wrongly.
Going through time, she get used of all those critism and unfair treatment. Just as she was getting used to all shits going on, they started getting on her nerves by telling her friends to stop being friends with her. Once? Okay just swallow it down, but they didn’t just do it once, they did it about three times now. Not enough with the critism, now teachers wanted her to suffer even more. What a bunch of “mature” adults indeed. The guilt she felt towards her friends are more than just a mere guilt. The fear of communicating haunts her slowly, making her question her rights to make friends.
“would i ruin their reputation if i be-friend with them?”
“am i a burden to them?”
“if i be-friend with them, would their names be stained?”
Those thoughts were stucked in her head, frustated. They told her to treat teachers with respect, but are they worth her respect? They, who ruined mostly everything of her life.
So, frankly saying, those were based on my own experience. Rather than experience, it’s the situation i’m going through right now. At first, i didn’t intend nor thought of writing something like this, until today, i finally decided to write that long-ass-i-don’t-know-what-that-is. i considered a lot regarding the consequences that i might get, but then, Everyone has their limits, and what i’ve been going through lately was getting worse and i was seriously at my limit. i personally felt i was treated very un-equally and poorly, to the extent of me despising and hating the school.
I know myself, i’m not smart, i’m dumb and being dumb is not something i’m proud of (obviously). i thought i smile a lot to people, but then i realized people are still taking me as the scary one. i can’t blame them though. one thing that everyone always misunderstood is the way i talk and my facial expression. They say i sounded strict and scary, plus i look unhappy… all the time. That was the core of everything. Starting from that, every teachers just started hating me.
I hang out with smart-ass kids in my class, but i have no idea why, i can’t be influenced by them at all. People say if you hang out with smart ass then you’ll be smart as well, but look at me! i’m still as stupid as always. Being the only stupid person between a group of friend is something that is hard to co-op with. For example, if one of my friends did something wrong, the one person that they’ll accuse, is me. why? Obviously, if you’re stupid, then you’re also naughty. That’s the logic that most of my teacher planted on their head.
The reason i kept saying myself stupid is simple, actually. My grades are low, and teachers said it with their own mouth. May it be directly, may it be indirectly. Well, if they say i’m stupid then i can’t argue with them right? They’re –so-smart. Meh.
i rant and rant all the time regarding the mistreatment i felt, but the truth was never revealed. All the blame is on me, all the time. People will say i’m the one at wrong, i need to be more serious in studying so that i won’t be that dumb, i need to respect teachers more, i need to please the teachers more, bla bla bla. No, sorry, but i won’t be a slave for them. They, who used grades to threaten the young souls, bringing poor kids to slavery. My friends would do hell-a everything for grades, sorry to disappoint, but i won’t. Just because they are labelled as teachers, doesn’t mean they have the rights to abuse us mentally. By abusing us mentally, i meant using their authorities to say mean stuffs and being disrespectful towards us. Acting as if they are the king, while we are all their poor little pawns. As much as they, students wanted to rebel, they couldn’t. Why? Because once they do, teachers could just deduct their grades to its lowest and boom, that kid’s future is ruined.. like me. i stood up every time i felt like i was being disrespected and now, i’m in the brink of future destruction, meaning i have a high chance of not passing my grades, Lmao. (well it’s also partly because i’m stupid though)
Okay, class mis-treatment, am slowly used to it because yha bruh what can i do right? I stood up for what i thought was right but everyone else thought it’s wrong and now no one likes me. what can i do? you tell me. just when i thought life was getting better, they started getting on my nerves by telling people bad stuffs about me, talking behind my back, telling my friends to not be-friend with me, telling them i am a bad influence. I was left speechless. Even when i’m writing this, speechless.
I thought i could make a change. I really thought of it that way. Being in student council and all, i thought i was working hard to improve, but reality hits, i will always be the one they despise. No matter how i improved, i will still be hated. No joke, i was disgusted to the max when they tried to talk about equality.
For you who are reading this, i believe you might be disagree-ing with all of the crap and i don’t care fgs. But try imagining this. In class, no one listens to you, no one will ever care about your exsistance (except when they need you obv), when you greeted a teacher, THEY WON’T REPLY NOR SMILE BACK, when you don’t understand a lesson, teachers will not try to re-explain, when you’re doing a presentation, teachers will ask you questions that’ll bring you down, and later on deduct your grades,wooo!!, no matter how fast you come to school, you’ll always be late, no matter how much effort you put in an assignment, your result will always be the worst. And more.
Oh right, you claimed teachers are always right.
May they abuse us, diss us, or even harass us, they are still right. Is that the logic that you believed in ? Shame on you.